At Christmas Henry rose from his sleep
to find a present: a brand new Jeep!
(His memory slips durin’ holiday cheer;
He’d bought it hisself then drank lots o’ beer)
He gathered his buddies. “Why don’t we take
my new Jeep down to Watson Lake
and hunt some ducks to feast the New Year?”
They all agreed, then ordered some beer
Now, any lake they coulda chosen
in winter, in Michigan, was frozen
“I hope there’ll be ducks, t’aint the season for deer”
Arnold declared, as he chugged down a beer.
They piled in the Jeep; they’d packed a lot
of duck calls, decoys, guns and duckshot
Henry’s black Labrador rode in the rear
lyin’ on several cases o’ beer
They drove the Jeep out on the lake
Sam wondered if the ice might break
“It’s plenty thick, no need to fear
Stop yer worryin’, an’ pass the beer”
“There’s no patch o’ water, What d’ya think, boys?
No pond for the ducks, or to place our decoys.
We need a hole, so ducks’ll come near”
Henry explained, as he opened a beer.
Now Joe worked at a construction site
He said “On the job, we use dynamite
So, just in case, I brought some here”
“What a great idea! Get that man a beer!”
Joe said, “Here’s a stick we can use.
Toss it far, it’s got a short fuse.”
Henry claimed, “I can throw it clear;
I’ll warm up with another beer.”
“First light the fuse, then throw it, and run
It may not be legal, but it gets the job done.
Th’ explosion might knock you back on your rear,
We’ll watch and laugh and cheer you on wit’ a beer.”
He flung it way out, but before it hit
His dog went racin’ after it
Sam cried, “Oh. No! He’ll bring it back here!
We’re all gonna die! I need a beer!”
He was a retriever, through an’ through
Fetchin’ is what he was born to do
The dog thought “They’ll be glad that I’m here
They might reward me wit’ some o’ their beer”
The guys realized that they’d made a mistake
as the dog brought the dynamite back ‘cross th’ lake
They were shoutin’ an’ wavin’ and tremblin’ with fear
They were shakin’ so much they were spillin’ their beer
Henry shot at his pooch wit’ a load o’ duckshot
It din’t hurt him much, but it sure stung a lot
“He wants me to hurry, I’ll shift to high gear,”
The retriever surmised, lookin’ forward to beer
Henry cussed at his dog, quickly counted to ten
Then picked up his rifle and shot him again
“Please, God, if you can save us all here,”
Henry prayed, “I might give up drinkin’ beer”
“Why’s he shootin’ at me? I done nothin’ bad,”
The dog concluded, “My owner’s gone mad!”
He ran for cover, to the first place near
under the Jeep, which was still full o’ beer
The poor critter died in a big explosion
That part o’ th’ lake was no longer frozen
Henry cried, “Yikes! We’re stranded here!
There goes my Jeep! and my dog! And our beer!”
Wit’ all their stuff sunk, they were plum out o’ luck
but some decoys survived, and lured many a duck
Arnold lamented, “Sure, now they come here!
Look, they’re laughin’ at us! And drinkin’ our beer!”
Ain’t no way Henry’s insurance would pay
for a brand new Jeep that died that way
He’ll be makin’ payments year after year
He won’t even be able to afford to buy beer
© April 1, 2016