A cereal company put three brothers on the TV screen
an’ launched a tragic chain o’ events no one could’a foreseen
Some cereal. It’s supposed to be good for you.
You try it.
I don’t wanna try it. Let’s get Mikey!
He won’t eat it. He hates everything.
He likes it! Hey Mikey!
That’s how John and Jeremy happened to discover
they could test all kinds o’ scary foods on their little brother
They devised a wicked plan, these mischievous little elves
They’d try on Mikey all the stuff grown-ups keep for themselves
Most things Mikey didn’t like; cereal might be a fluke
He couldn’t stand the taste o’ beer; Daddy’s see-gar made him puke.
They fed him caviar, coffee, fois gras, rum and stinky cheese
Only Mom’s imported chocolate truffles seemed to please
So a sweet tooth was Mikey’s thing. He’d rejected a dill pickle
But he enjoyed sweet sparkling wine and the way its bubbles tickled
So the boys refined their tests; they’d get him to drink or eat
brandied fruit or crème de menthe – anythin’ that’s sweet.
They’d hooked him on sweet cereal but fer them that weren’t enough
One day they introduced him to the harder stuff
rock hard candy – the carbonated kind
the stuff that blows yer stomach instead o’ yer mind
He popped the Pop Rocks in his mouth, and they popped him back
Pret’ soon his entire head had sustained a fizz attack
Mikey loved this new sensation, he was overcome with joy.
His bros had found the perfect drug to hook this little boy.
They’d heard a rumor ’bout Pop Rocks – one they had to try
Just like little Mikey, they were on a sugar high
“Mikey, you know that you can trust us, ’cause we’re older
Pop Rocks get a lot more fun when you drink a can o’ soda.
“The more you eat, more fun you’ll have,” they told their little brother
He et half a dozen bags o’ one, drank a six-pack of th’ other.
He hiccupped fast, his eyeballs rolled, he was bouncin’ ’round the room
He rumbled like a volcano, then his tummy went KA-BOOM!
Their prank, much to their horror, had done a bang-up job
What used to be Mikey was now a pink and cola-colored blob.
John and Jeremy started cryin’; they were in a lot a’ trouble
They had caused poor little Mikey to overdose on bubbles.
They missed their little brother, but what were they to do?
They couldn’t tell their parents he’d OD’d on Cee-Oh-2.
They improvised a story, the first one that was handy:
Mikey had gotten in a car with a man who gave him candy.
The boys must live their whole lives with the consequence of their schemes
Each night a bubbling, fizzing little Mikey haunts their dreams.
Pop Pop, Fizz, Fizz, Oh! What a nightmare it is.
The whole family rues the day when they thought they’d try show biz.
© July 1, 2015