Son of a Gun

May twelfth, eighteen sixty-three was the day
of a battle between the Blue and the Grey
when a young Union soldier got in the way
of a bullet that shot through his testicle

He got help from a doctor, he was hurtin’ like hell
Then off in the distance they heard a faint yell
The bullet had lodged in a sweet Southern belle
In her womb, if you wanna get technical

The shot planted his seed and began to re-shape her
This marvel was writ up in a scholarly paper
by th’ attendin’ field surgeon, name o’ L.G. Capers
Life grew from ballistic inception

“Tell us who did this” her parents kept urgin’
She stuck by her story that she was a virgin
This were comfirmed by th’ Confederate surgeon.
“Immaculate was her conception”

The gal met the Yankee whose baby she carried
They soon fell in love and then they got married
He stayed with his family ’til the day he was buried
T’were a miracle the shootin’ had done

Those were our nation’s most godawful days
Brother killin’ brother, Blues agin Greys
The Lord had done worked in mysterious ways
to unite warrin’ tribes wit’ a son

Now Doctor Capers, a Confederate colonel
reported this case in a medical journal
‘about a Civil War projectile actin’ paternal
Had his peers an’ his editors been had?

The doc later claimed that he’d wrote it in fun
but the medical world swore the deed had been done
If you ask me, lil’ grandchild, that son of a gun
was your grandpappy’s great great grandad.

© June 1, 2016