The Widder’s Best Friend

( The common title of this here legend is “The Choking Doberman.” So I changed the dog’s breed! I can do that. I have a poetic license!)

The Widder Johnson lived alone in a house there weren’t no man in
She got herself a German Shepherd hound fer a companion
The dog, named Jack, and Mrs J got to be best friends real soon
He loved guardin’ her night an’ day, and howlin’ at the moon

She didn’t hardly leave her pet all by hisself alone
‘Cept when she went shoppin’ to git her dog a bone
One day she sensed trouble when she opened the front door
Her best friend lay doubled up an’ writhin’ on the floor

Jack, who loved his mistress, was gaspin’ for a breath
He was in plum distress, chokin’ most to death
His breathin’ seemed real labored; she had to save her pet
She called out to her neighbor; they whisked him to the vet

The vet plunged a breathin’ straw into the Shepherd’s neck
“Somethin’s stuck there in his craw. Don’ know what. I’ll have to check
X-rays’ll show if it’s code blue or just somethin’ he ate.
Go home an’ rest. I’ll call you if I need to operate”

The phone rang just as she got in; the caller sounded urgent
‘Twere a frantic warnin’ from the vet’rinary surgeon
“Call nine-one-one, git out’ the house, make sure that you don’t linger!
I cut ope yer pooch’s mouth – he et three human fingers!”

Police responded to her call and then commenced to searchin’
They might need backup an’ all, ’twere there bad guys in there lurkin’
One cop oped the closet door, “It’s a ambulance we’re needin’!
There’s a crook here cryin’ on the floor, an’ seriously bleedin’”

The burglar jumped near thru the roof; he was actin’ downright wiggy
“I ain’t comin’ out! There’s a big bad wolf! He et my three little piggies!”
T’were but one skeered thief in the house that day, makin’ all that racket
Th’ ambulance came an’ took him away, bound in a strait jacket

The vet’rinarian sewed up Jack, sent him home to howl at the moon agin’
The burglar got his fingers back, was tried, and thrown in the loony bin
This story has a epilog that I hope ever’one follows
Be sure to train yer killer dog to chew afore he swallows

June 1, 2014


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